It's been much too long since I posted to this blog.  Hell, I forgot it existed.  I should have kept it going after I left that first job but I think I no longer needed the outlet.  A lot has changed in the last year and four months, had a part time job which was miserable.  Here is the thing about personal injury attorneys, they want to give it the half try, take the quick settlement and get out.  I quite dislike them, it's a take the money and run prospect.  Held that job for two months before getting laid off, it was fine it is what it is.  However, I learned very quickly how terrible it can be to work for a personal injury attorney.  In responding to discovery, he wouldn't even preserve his objections for the future, he would just give the answer to opposing counsel.  All just for the quick win and the money.  Of the money the client received, it pretty much went 1/3 to doctors and chiropractor bullshit, 1/3 to the attorney and 1/3 to the client.  That meant on a 100,000 claim, the client would only take $35,000 for all the bullshit and pain and everything that happened as a result of the accident.  It made me lose a lot of faith in personal injury attorneys, and some should say that maybe you shouldn't have it anyway.

Quitting Time

Today was a new day.  I walked into my boss's office and said "I'm quitting."  His response was "you should quit."  This started out as a blog about being a lawyer and the trials and tribulations one faces.  It is now about me leaving a corrupt and obviously sketchy (redundant, somewhat) firm.  As soon as I sit down he calls his brother and puts him on speaker phone for the next hour we argued and fought.  He calls me a disgrace, that I ruined his name in the persian community.  I didn't listen to his brother (the client!!!) I explained the judge said to keep the trial and my comments to Whether the brother did the work and whether he is owed money.  My boss said I should apologize for my performance.  That he asked me numerous times if my heart was in it, and I'm clearly lying to him when I say that.  I responded that I did the best I could with the evidence I had.  I stayed late, I worked weekends.  In the end you can't beat a mountain of evidence showing faulty billing practices, wrong dates, double billing.  I told him I didn't appreciate being double teamed instead of a quiet conversation. 

This just went on for an hour, he expected an apology that wouldn't come.  I would have liked an apology for sacrficing me to the judicial gods, but that sure as shit wasn't coming.  Finally, his brother says who were those two people sitting watching the trial.  I responded "my friends" they said they want names.  I said no.  I would not give their names to you.  That set them off.  That the brother was my client and I owed him an ethical duty to reveal who those people in the seats were.  I said I won't do it.  My loyalty lies with them not you.
What I wish I said: "oh really, ethical considerations, let's talk ethics.  Let's talk bringing a fraudulent case with no evidence, let's talk shady billing practices or threatening to sue with no evidence, let's talk about this firm.  Let's talk about making people work for free for 5-12 weeks at both offices, then 2k a month for the first three months, and your brother only offering 1k a month for the first three months" 

If I was gutsy I would have said that, but I'm trying to get out of here alive.  In one last guilt trip he says he treated me like his brother (if you want to make your brother work ten hours a day for about ten dollars an hour while you reap $1600 a day off his work then yes) and that how hopefully in five years I'll appreciate what he did for me (I enjoy being sacrificed to judges for fraudulent cases).  I offer to stay til the end of the month or as soon as he can find someone to replace me. 

As an attorney references are important.  You want other firms to know that you did a good job and they should take a chance on you.  When you go out as poorly as I am, the best thing to do is to stay for a few days and make him feel bad for how obviously he got it wrong.

For the record, to those two people who may read this.  I just got another email demanding your names, and I just sent another response saying that's not going to happen.

Coworkers

Last thursday my coworkers bought me lunch, as a way of saying "I'm sorry you had to take the bullet on that case."  I'm not sure you would find that at any other law firm.  Here, it's different.  The boss makes everybody so miserable that you need each other to survive.  I quickly rewarded my coworkers by telling them I was quitting as soon as the boss got back from his vacation.  They then took turns saying they were going to quit as well.  I hope I spurred that decision. 

I've been an attorney for four months.  No self respecting law firm would let an attorney with my seniority (4 months) do half the stuff he's made me do.  Yeah trial by fire, but damn maybe he should change his payscale and actually hire attorneys with experience... just saying.

Lamb to the Slaughter

One of the worst things about being a new attorney is you are the sacrificial lamb to the slaughter.  If the case is a loser your firm will offer you up to get skewered.  I was handed a case representing my boss's brother in a breach of contract action.  The alleged breach was for $1,600, opposing counsel offered $2,000.  Good deal right?  Not at this greedy firm.  My firm counters with $10,500.  This thing is going to trial clearly.  I get stuck with a case I don't want and a case we are going to lose.  Everything is wrong, the billing statement has multiple errors, the letters from the counsel to the client has errors, and the emails to the former client has errors. I advise settlement on numerous occasions.  Not only does my boss's brother say no, but then my boss and his brother start yelling at me about how my heart is not in this and we will lose because I'm not trying hard enough.
  Here's the amazing kicker.  My boss is so greedy, he demands I bill my usual 7-8 hours and work on this case at the same time.  Two sundays gone and numerous after hours at work.
  After reviewing the evidence, we have nothing.  It's fairly obvious this is going to lose, we don't have the law or the facts on our side.  The judge is immediately pissed off.  The disputed bill was $1,600 that should be in small claims not a regular court room.  Things proceed very awkwardly, the judge just doesn't care and wants this resolved.  He says I just want to know if Plaintiff did the work and if Defendant paid or not.  My boss's brother the plaintiff ignores it, he proceeds to argue with defense counsel and the judge.
   Finally, before closing the Judge says "I'm ready to rule, I don't want to hear your closing but if you really want to offer one and try to change my mind I'm willing to give you a shot"  At this point I scrap my planned closing and argue that we established Plaintiff did the work.  The judge rules for Defendant
   Amazingly, it's not over.  The judge then goes into a tirade against my boss's brother, telling him how in his entire time on the bench he has never come across an attorney as terrible as him (my boss's brother), none of his billing records were without error, all his letters to his clients had errors, and emails had errors.  There was no contemporaneous billings to support your work.  He continues by saying how dare you bring this in my court and how dare you make your associate argue this case.  Not a word to me.  The entire tirade against my boss's brother.
   My boss's brother has the audacity to tell me that I was ill-prepared, that my closing was terrible and I didn't ask the questions he told me to ask.  Apparently, the entire tirade against him was completely ignored and he lays the blame at my feet.
   My friend's watched the case, they said to me had the judge not realized I was a sacrificial lamb with 4 months as an attorney I would have been sanctioned by the court and it would have followed me the rest of my life.  So let this be a warning to all new attorneys at some point you too will be the sacrificial lamb.

Wastes of my time

As I've said about a thousand times, law is just pompous jerks sending bloviated letters back forth.  No matter how much I want to dump this case where I have to represent the boss's brother it keeps getting thrown back in my lap.  Nothing is more aggravating than having to respond to opposing counsel in a case you could not care less about.  I get a fax today from a solo practitioner whining about how our discovery was not in his hand yesterday and that if we don't provide it tomorrow he will go in ex parte on thursday.  What a waste of my god damn time.  Not only is the asshole so fucking wrong it makes my head hurt, but then I have to go back and find the Civil Procedure code that tells him he's wrong.  I throw in some insults and send it on the way.

On another note, nothing is a kick in the balls like finding out your boss deleted one of your billing entries and put his name in your place.  Nothing says damn this sucks like knowing that part of your billing hours and your hard work is being replaced by someone else.  Does this happen at other firms? Probably not

I didn't even have to use my AK

Monday was an amazing day.  Here's the thing about law firms, the firm should pay for your gas to go to court.  God knows your boss works you to the bone so he can make $200 an hour off your work.  For my boss, the $200 isn't enough.  Gas costs too much for him.  So there I am arguing a demurrer by telephone.  Needless to say the judge was none too happy.  That's the thing about law, never piss off the judge he controls your future.  Partners will do whatever they can to keep their piece of the pie big, and yours small.

The other amazing aspect of the day was a true view into my boss's world.  We are representing the brother's firm in a case against a former client.  Per my boss's instructions I ignored opposing counsel's phone calls.  Luckily for me, opposing counsel threatened to report me to the bar.  If ever there was a toothless threat I'm pretty sure that was it.  This dbag who was an attorney for all of three years (granted I was an attorney for 3 months) threaten me for ignoring him.  I sent him a nice email informing him that threatening another attorney is against the rules of ethics.  I got a denial in response.  How desperate and whiny can you be as an attorney to threaten because I didn't take the call.  That's the problem with law, self-important douche-bags trying to outdick the other.  If I was creative enough I'd probably bail.

The Mail

The thing about getting the mail, it takes about 5 minutes.  You have to go to the basement and come back up.  Jane wasn't busy, so I asked her to get it.  She started whining in that spoiled girl whine about how she didn't know where it was.  I informed her it was in the basement, she then said that she wasn't "built for manual labor". I'm sorry, if you are a new attorney at the firm even if you think it's beneath you, you do it.  None of us thought we'd be working a shit job for low pay and long hours, but we do it and we do it together.  It's good to know that the new attorney has already decided what she is too good to do.  I learned my lesson, don't ask her to do something cause it won't get done.

4/11/11 I'm editing this entry to say Jane turned out to be a friend in the trenches as opposed to an enemy on the field.  She has backed me up when my boss accused me of anything and has turned out to be really helpful with a deadline closing in.  I guess first impressions aren't everything.