The thing about getting the mail, it takes about 5 minutes. You have to go to the basement and come back up. Jane wasn't busy, so I asked her to get it. She started whining in that spoiled girl whine about how she didn't know where it was. I informed her it was in the basement, she then said that she wasn't "built for manual labor". I'm sorry, if you are a new attorney at the firm even if you think it's beneath you, you do it. None of us thought we'd be working a shit job for low pay and long hours, but we do it and we do it together. It's good to know that the new attorney has already decided what she is too good to do. I learned my lesson, don't ask her to do something cause it won't get done.
4/11/11 I'm editing this entry to say Jane turned out to be a friend in the trenches as opposed to an enemy on the field. She has backed me up when my boss accused me of anything and has turned out to be really helpful with a deadline closing in. I guess first impressions aren't everything.
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Demurrer what what
The thing about being a lawyer, is that most of it is meaningless bullshit. The philadelphia lawyer said that the reason why trials take so long is because no attorney can bring themselves to read the boring ass set of documents piling up on their desk. This is absolutely true. I've been working on this case for some time, a multimillion dollar case that I don't really care about. All I know is, I've been an attorney for 3 months and I have more responsibility than any attorney with my experience should have. Opposing counsel has had 10 extensions, ten fucking extensions and I find out she still doesn't have the documents. What kind of bullshit is this? Though the amazing thing about the opposing counsel in this case, she can't say her R's. She was asking me for an extension on special intewogs. Every time she said it i had to cover the phone so she wouldn't know I was laughing. I know I'm going to hell for that, but if that moment gets me through the day then it's worth it.
What I despise most about law is that it breaks down to two kids having a temper tantrum. Plaintiff says Defendant did this, and defendant says "no I didn't". Then they send discovery to each other which nobody answers. What comes next is what I can only consider to be the most inane, immature, wastes of time in the history of mankind. A series of letters known as "meet and confers" are sent back and forth in which one side makes snarky comments and cites meaningless case law (as if citing case law matters in a letter). So then the party writes back something asinine and answers a few more questions. This procedure repeats itself til one party stabs themselves in the brain to dull the pain of this insanely stupid process. I remember one letter I wrote that started with Dear counsel, Your arguments lack merit, but I will address that later. First, I'd like to state that counsel's opening paragraph is nothing but a poor excuse for a collection of scatterbrained thoughts, and a waste of my time. Upon handing the letter to my supervising attorney for review, I was promptly told that was inappropriate and I should be careful because a judge may read it. What was the problem with my letter, I'm just stating the obvious. I'm sure the judge would appreciate me not being snarky and hollier than thou and instead just calling opposing counsel a douche.
Finally, in case I haven't burned my bridge yet. My employer is such a cheapo that he won't pay for my gas to attend a demurrer hearing. A demurrer is essentially your response to someone suing you. The demurrer for lack of better terms says "hey plaintiff, go fuck yourself you dick!" Now you are supposed to go to court for a hearing on that. My boss though, won't pay for my gas. The court is probably well over 60 miles away, and at what I get paid, it may cost me more to go then I get paid. So I will be arguing a multimillion dollar case over the phone. That's right judge, not only have I been an attorney for 3 months, but I don't respect you enough to show up in person. PS I'm a dick.
What I despise most about law is that it breaks down to two kids having a temper tantrum. Plaintiff says Defendant did this, and defendant says "no I didn't". Then they send discovery to each other which nobody answers. What comes next is what I can only consider to be the most inane, immature, wastes of time in the history of mankind. A series of letters known as "meet and confers" are sent back and forth in which one side makes snarky comments and cites meaningless case law (as if citing case law matters in a letter). So then the party writes back something asinine and answers a few more questions. This procedure repeats itself til one party stabs themselves in the brain to dull the pain of this insanely stupid process. I remember one letter I wrote that started with Dear counsel, Your arguments lack merit, but I will address that later. First, I'd like to state that counsel's opening paragraph is nothing but a poor excuse for a collection of scatterbrained thoughts, and a waste of my time. Upon handing the letter to my supervising attorney for review, I was promptly told that was inappropriate and I should be careful because a judge may read it. What was the problem with my letter, I'm just stating the obvious. I'm sure the judge would appreciate me not being snarky and hollier than thou and instead just calling opposing counsel a douche.
Finally, in case I haven't burned my bridge yet. My employer is such a cheapo that he won't pay for my gas to attend a demurrer hearing. A demurrer is essentially your response to someone suing you. The demurrer for lack of better terms says "hey plaintiff, go fuck yourself you dick!" Now you are supposed to go to court for a hearing on that. My boss though, won't pay for my gas. The court is probably well over 60 miles away, and at what I get paid, it may cost me more to go then I get paid. So I will be arguing a multimillion dollar case over the phone. That's right judge, not only have I been an attorney for 3 months, but I don't respect you enough to show up in person. PS I'm a dick.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
coworker
I'm editing my previous blog about my coworker to state this: With a pressing deadline I don't care about your law school stuff
New Attorney
The new attorney, Jane who's been here all of a week just blew up at me. The work is too hard, nobody is helping her and she's not doing a good job. Who knew at 25 I'd be giving a pep talk to other lawyers. This girl drives my nerves, she started a week ago saying how smart she was. How she was on law review and moot court and busted her ass. Well, listen, this is the real world. All that shit that made you so impressive in law school, doesn't matter if you throw a fit after two hours because the work is too hard and nobody is coddling you. I didn't want to help her, but at this firm everybody is miserable and sometimes you just have to say enough so the other person won't quit
First Post
This is the first post in what will hopefully be a long documentation of my horrendous life as a lawyer. I hope to shatter ideas and hopefully tell some fun stories about my past along the way. For right now, I have to go back to work because I need to bill 8 hours. My boss bills me out at $200 dollars an hour for 8 hours. He gets $1600 for my time and pays me $125 a day. It's a good thing I have $170,000 in Law School Debt
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