The thing about being a lawyer, is that most of it is meaningless bullshit. The philadelphia lawyer said that the reason why trials take so long is because no attorney can bring themselves to read the boring ass set of documents piling up on their desk. This is absolutely true. I've been working on this case for some time, a multimillion dollar case that I don't really care about. All I know is, I've been an attorney for 3 months and I have more responsibility than any attorney with my experience should have. Opposing counsel has had 10 extensions, ten fucking extensions and I find out she still doesn't have the documents. What kind of bullshit is this? Though the amazing thing about the opposing counsel in this case, she can't say her R's. She was asking me for an extension on special intewogs. Every time she said it i had to cover the phone so she wouldn't know I was laughing. I know I'm going to hell for that, but if that moment gets me through the day then it's worth it.
What I despise most about law is that it breaks down to two kids having a temper tantrum. Plaintiff says Defendant did this, and defendant says "no I didn't". Then they send discovery to each other which nobody answers. What comes next is what I can only consider to be the most inane, immature, wastes of time in the history of mankind. A series of letters known as "meet and confers" are sent back and forth in which one side makes snarky comments and cites meaningless case law (as if citing case law matters in a letter). So then the party writes back something asinine and answers a few more questions. This procedure repeats itself til one party stabs themselves in the brain to dull the pain of this insanely stupid process. I remember one letter I wrote that started with Dear counsel, Your arguments lack merit, but I will address that later. First, I'd like to state that counsel's opening paragraph is nothing but a poor excuse for a collection of scatterbrained thoughts, and a waste of my time. Upon handing the letter to my supervising attorney for review, I was promptly told that was inappropriate and I should be careful because a judge may read it. What was the problem with my letter, I'm just stating the obvious. I'm sure the judge would appreciate me not being snarky and hollier than thou and instead just calling opposing counsel a douche.
Finally, in case I haven't burned my bridge yet. My employer is such a cheapo that he won't pay for my gas to attend a demurrer hearing. A demurrer is essentially your response to someone suing you. The demurrer for lack of better terms says "hey plaintiff, go fuck yourself you dick!" Now you are supposed to go to court for a hearing on that. My boss though, won't pay for my gas. The court is probably well over 60 miles away, and at what I get paid, it may cost me more to go then I get paid. So I will be arguing a multimillion dollar case over the phone. That's right judge, not only have I been an attorney for 3 months, but I don't respect you enough to show up in person. PS I'm a dick.
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